


Heart Heart Head

by Babylon (Baby_L0N)



Series: Paved With Good Intentions [2]
Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Diverges from Canon After Lesson 16, Explicit Language, Forget "Shady" Solomon, Gen, Gender-Neutral Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Hurt/Comfort, Hysteria, Jealousy, Lesson 18 (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!) Spoilers, Lord Diavolo Definitely Has Ulterior Motives, Misgendering, My Idea of a Fix-It That Turned Into a Make-It-Worse, Original Non-Binary Character - Freeform, Original Trans Character - Freeform, Panic Attacks, Possessive Behavior, Reimagining of Lesson 18, Retconned Lore, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:02:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25979425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baby_L0N/pseuds/Babylon
Summary: What if Paymon could return to their timeline? Before… God, everything. The brothers would be back to normal. Belphegor would be behind bars. They’d be safe and happy again. Wasn’t that worth the risk?
Relationships: Beelzebub & Belphegor (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Main Character/Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)
Series: Paved With Good Intentions [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1885558
Comments: 4
Kudos: 41





	1. How Do I Fake It with Another Man?

**Author's Note:**

> my fic, Moderation, sets the scene for this universe, but you don’t really need to read it to understand what’s happening here.
> 
> thank you for taking the time to read my work! please comment if you have any suggestions on how I can improve my writing.

How do I fake it with another man?

How do I love him on the weekend?

How do I listen to another man?

How do I get off on the weekend?

\--- Heart Heart Head by Meg Myers

Plan Back to the Future was a go! The plan didn’t make much sense but, as in the famous words of John Mulaney, neither did that title.

Plan A, which obviously didn’t work because it didn’t have a fun codename, had been a bust… Paymon had been knocking on both sides of Mammon’s door for the last couple days and only got confused looks and an eyeful of Mammon’s dick for their trouble.

It turned out that Levi wasn’t shitting them. He did in fact sleep nude. It was a nice dick. Levi didn’t say that, though. That they learned for themselves.

Nevermind. The plan! It was simple on paper. Get into the Demon Lord’s Castle, navigate to Barbatos’ room undetected, and find a door to a better timeline inside. They were hoping to find a door back their original timeline, but they would also settle for a door to back before the big reveal about Lilith.

Thanks to Diva’s birthday ball, they wouldn’t need to throw a brick through the prince of hell’s tearoom window to get inside. Instead, Barbatos would hold the door for them.

That introduced a new problem, however, in the form of their plus-seven. Even if Luci was too preoccupied with entertaining Diva or keeping his brothers in line to nanny them himself, there would be at least one pair of eyes and hands on Paymon at all times.

But if necessity is the mother of invention, then Paymon was one hundred percent the deadbeat dad. So, they collected some strobe lights, some air raid sirens, and a few confetti cannons loaded with glitter for some extra sensory overload…

Once all the materials were in hand, they put them in a box and triggered everything to turn on when the box was opened. With everything assembled, Paymon slapped some wrapping paper and a few dozen bows on it. And BOOM! Chaos MachineTM!

Luci kept eyeing the electrical plug hanging out of the side in distrust, but he couldn’t do anything about it. They already told Diva they were actually building something for his birthday. He was over the moon, and Luci couldn’t take that away from his beloved master.

Getting it to the Demon Lord’s Castle felt a little like transporting a bomb. It luckily hadn’t prematurely ejaculated holy hell, though!

Luci still might kill them. Hell, Diva might kill them. Paymon didn’t know what the limit of his toleration for bullshit was, but they were going find it.

The important thing was that it worked like a charm! Diva opened their gift, it was hell on every one of their senses, and Paymon managed to slip out from under Mammon’s tsundere gaze.

At first they focused on putting as much space between them and the ballroom as possible. Once they had covered enough distance to safely assuming Beel wouldn’t be appearing over their shoulder to scoop them up and carry them back, they stopped to access their situation.

To say the Demon Lord’s Castle was huge would be an understatement about the size of the castle itself. Luckily, The Royal Library just so happened to house floor plans for anyone off the street to peruse and the servants’ wing was clearly marked. And peruse they did! They rubbed their eyeballs all over that makeshift map, even going so far to make copies and take notes.

_Left, right, right. Fifth door down the hall on the left. Left, right, right. Fifth door down the hall on the left._ Paymon repeated in their head ad infinitum. That door led to the largest room in the servants’ wing, perfect for one _hell_ of a butler. Ha!

_This should be it_ , they thought excitedly, reaching out a shaky hand to turn the knob and open the door…

Instead of leading into an Escher-esque room filled with stairs and doors –or a room at all– the doorway was completely walled off.

Did they have the wrong room? No, they double- and triple-checked their map! _Is this some kind of magically security system?_ Paymon wondered as they ran their hands down the stone wall, unable to process that it was real and right in front of them.

“Paymon!” Diva exclaimed, appearing out of thin air. Paymon snatched their hand back as if they had been burned and spun around to face their host. “There you are… We thought you got grabbed by a demon in all the commotion!”

“Sorry! Sorry…” They gasped. He just about gave them a heart attack with his sudden appearance.

They kept forgetting that these were demons they were dealing with... They had an endless supply of magic that they could call upon at will. They didn’t have to walk down hallways if they didn’t want to. They could _fly_ , for fuck’s sake.

“No, I was– I was just looking for something. Something I left behind last time I was at your– your castle.” Paymon stammered, giving the stone wall one last long look.

A perfectly believable excuse. They had come up with it well in advance, in case they got caught. Especially if they got caught by Diva the Living Lie Detector.

“What were you looking for? Maybe we could look for it together.” Diva replied, ever altruistic.

“No, I don’t think I’m going to find it.” _I don’t think it even exists._ Barbatos’ room contained countless doors. What were the chances of finding one that brought them back to the right time? Would they even work without Barbatos’ presence?

“I’m sorry.” Diva said, sounding unnecessary contrite.

“It’s not your fault.” It was a knee-jerk reaction, a meaningless nicety. When really…

“It is, though, isn’t it?” Diavolo asked quietly.

Paymon tensed before slowly turning their back on the stone wall. They should probably keep an eye on him for this talk.

“You were looking for the door back to your previous timeline, were you not?” He continued. For all his sympathies and apologies, he didn’t look the least bit regretful while delivering such gut-wrenching news. “It’s not here anymore. It closed when Barbatos merged the timelines.”

So Solomon was right. There was never a ghost of chance

“If I may ask, why were you looking for it?”

Paymon shrugged, looking down at their dress shoes, already done with this conversation. “Isn’t it obvious? I want to go back to my timeline.”

Past-Diavolo would have welcomed them back with open arms, even after failing their task. Belphegor killed them without a shred of regret and then reveled in the mourning expressions of his brothers. He could rot in Diavolo’s dungeon for all they cared. Even… Even if it broke Beel’s heart… Even if he hated them forever, at least his feelings for Paymon would be for them and not Lilith.

“Paymon, you resolved everything here. You fixed all of the demon brothers’ family issues,” Diavolo tried to reason. “Even so, you don’t seem entirely happy with the outcome.”

“The brothers… They’re great, but they’re not mine,” Paymon said, knowing how crazy they sounded, like a mother claiming her child had been replaced with a changeling. “Something’s _different_ about this timeline. Something’s wrong.”

Maybe the changes didn’t just apply to the brothers, though. Paymon had been feeling different lately as well. Was it a result of their death and resurrection? Who knew?

But ever since their revival, it felt like a switch was flipped. Everyone always said they had ‘potential, if only…’ Now it felt like that condition were met and all their potential had become kinetic. Not in a good way, though. In a way that felt like they were just awaiting the day that all that kinetic energy electrocuted them to death.

Diavolo gave them a long look, a look they were used to from the brothers but not the demon lord himself. Like he really _saw_ Paymon and liked what he saw.

“Say what you will about Lucifer, but he really does care for his brothers. _Lilith_ , though… Lilith was something special. He fell for her. He swallowed his pride for her.”

_She’s only special because she’s fucking_ dead, Paymon wanted to yell. Instead, they just swallowed hard around the frustrated scream building in the back of their throat. _I wish you had never offered that deal. I wish Lucifer had never accepted it. I wish, I wish, I wish…_

Wishing wasn’t going to get them anywhere.

“Did you know about me? Before… Was that why you chose me for the exchange program?” Now seemed like a time for honest more than ever.

Fate was a dirty word in their household. It wasn’t fate or destiny, it was _God’s will_. God’s plan came before all else. Sure, God gave humans free will, but he didn’t expect them to actually use it. Still, it seemed awfully convenient that one of the humans in Diavolo’s new exchange program just so happened to be of special importance to his prized lap dog.

Bastard wouldn’t even give them an answer. Instead, he just smiled, eyes half-lidded and crinkled at the corners with joy.

“What about my Mammon?” Paymon mumbled, more to themselves than the sociopath in front of them. Psychopath? They weren’t privy to the particulars.

“I guess it’s only natural that you’d choose favorites.” He laughed as if they were still friends, as if he had any right to tease and play with them. “Your Mammon is looking for you around the castle right now, along with the rest of the brothers.”

“No,” Paymon snapped, “ _My_ Mammon. The Mammon from my original timeline. He is worried and waiting. He probably thinks I’m dead–“

“The Mammon in this timeline cradled you in his arms until you stopped breathing.” He countered softly, tilting his head to side. Like he was an innocent bystander in all of this.

God, Diavolo played _dirty_.

“Now, if you left immediately after you witnessed that, then you would have a point.” He went on.

“I never got the chance!” They kept opening and closing their fists by their sides. They couldn’t throw a punch at the prince of hell. They were going to spend an eternity here after they died. They couldn’t afford to make such a powerful enemy.

“Think of how miserable you’ll certainly make everyone you leave behind. They would feel like you abandoned them. It would feel, to them, like the death of a friend.” Or sister. It went unspoken, but it was there all the same.

And that was it. The last nail in the coffin. The straw that broke the camel’s back. The floodgates flung open, and they couldn’t close them now.

“I want to go home…” Paymon said, needing more than anything a safe space to completely and utterly fall to pieces.

“Make no mistake, Paymon, I’m willing to go to great lengths in order to ensure your happiness here.” Diavolo said brightly, taking both of their hands in his as their whole body began to shake and tremble. “However, I’m willing to go to even greater lengths to ensure you _stay_ here.”

Shut up, shut up, _shut up_ …

“Speak of the devil! Lucifer, I just thanking Paymon for their extravagant gift. Now if you excuse me, there are other matters I need to attend to…”

Fuck.

“I want to go home!” Paymon repeated desperately, trying to hold on to the young prince, to stop him from handing them off to be a chew-toy for Lucifer. But he was the prince of hell and they a measly human. If he wanted to leave, he was going to. And there was nothing they could do about it.

“I’m sorry you are homesick,” Diavolo apologized, more for Lucifer’s sake than theirs, “Just know this is only temporary. At the end of the year, you will be back in the Mortal Realm, and this will all seem like dream.”

Yeah. Back to the “Mortal Realm,” a year behind on mortal problems. Like food and housing. God only knows what they would be returning to… Or if they would have anything to return to at all. Did universities offer financial aid to kidnapping victims? Probably not.

Suddenly Diavolo was gone and in his place was Lucifer, rife with unholy rage. He was seething, something about the present, something about Lord Diavolo, but none of his words were registering. They wanted so badly to tell him to stop, _just stop_ , but their throat was too tight. It felt like they were being strangled.

They were self-aware enough to _know_ that they were starting to hyperventilate but not enough to regulate their breathing. It felt like they were trapped in their own body, a body that didn’t even feel like _theirs_.

And because God obviously hated them, Beel and Belphegor chose that moment to round the corner down hall. They stopped and stared for long moment, looking to all the world like unwitting witnesses to a crime. Then they approached cautiously, but spotting their _murderer_ during a moment of weakness still didn’t do anything good for Paymon’s frayed nerves.

Fight or flight? They couldn’t decide right away… Just like how their body couldn’t seem to decide on a temperature, evidently. It kept swinging between hot and cold like a pendulum. Their fancy new cashmere sweater was getting soaked with cold sweat. It was ruined now. Just like them.

The decision was made for them when Lucifer snatched up one of their wrists as they lurched away, fearful they were about to upchuck all of this evening’s fancy finger foods onto his Oxfords. He had gotten loud, so loud, shouting over the static between their ears.

_Let go!_ They wanted to shout, but the only thing that came out of their mouth was incoherent bullshit. As they fought harder to leave, Lucifer grabbed their other wrist, effectively shackling them to him. His voice got low and dangerous, as he oozed fury and disapproval.

It dredged up old memories, wounds long since scabbed that were now open and bleeding once again…

They pressed a hand to their chest, feeling their heart pounding against their ribs… Like a bird throwing itself at the bars of its cage in hopes of escape. It hurt. It hurt so bad.

_I’m going to die_ , Paymon realized. _I’m going to die, and no one will care. Diavolo will just replace me with a different me, and no one will care. I’m going to die, I’m going to die, I’m going to die!_

With that, the growing wave of despair came to a crest before washing over them, swiftly pulling them under.


	2. You're in My Heart, in My Heart, in My Head

You're in my heart, in my heart, in my head  
You're in my heart, in my heart, in my head  
You're in my heart, in my heart, in my head  
You're in my heart, in my heart, in my…

\--- Heart Heart Head by Meg Myers

From what little Lucifer could tell them, Lord Diavolo had given a short nonexplanation before passing off the freaked-out human to him and disappearing to do some troubleshooting in the ballroom. Or, rather, request Barbados do the troubleshooting for him…

A shame. A little more information might have helped them abate this catastrophe. It wasn’t even clear if Paymon were really crying, or if the tears just evaporated from skillet-hot heat of their flushed face. They didn’t so much wail as scream into Lucifer’s chest, alternating between desperately grasping fistfuls of his waistcoat and beating their fists against him.

Lucifer, for all his emotional constipation, was doing his best to soothe the little savage. He gently shushed them and wrapped one arm around them while the other cradled the back of their head, like they were a baby whose neck might snap if not properly supported.

Occasionally he’d try to say something –something rational, something stern– to regain control of the situation. But then Paymon’s shrieking would reach a new feverish pitch, and he would be back on damage control.

It was an absolute train wreck. Belphie couldn’t seem to look away, despite how ugly the situation.

Paymon was definitely not a pretty crier. Their complexion was all blotchy and their chin crumpled unattractively. There was no grace behind their sorrow.

Lilith always cried in such a dignified way, like those weeping statues of the Virgin Mary. Even when she completely unraveled.

A memory caught in him like a piece of bone in teeth… Lilith clutching to Lucifer’s Celestial robes after rushing out of a private audience with the Father. Her face flushed and all aglow as heavenly light bounced off her tears. Eyes wide and wet as the open ocean.

“Lucifer! Lucifer, please,” she sobbed, high and breathless, followed by a sudden shriek when Michael appeared and tried prying her off of their brother. On instinct, Lucifer batted him away with the wave of one powerful wing. Never any love lost between those two. “Don’t let Him kill me!”

Belphie’s stomach was boiling over with an anxiety that wasn’t his, along with a feeling like hunger but not. Beel kept shifting his weight from one foot to the other. With Lilith, a whimper was enough and he’d scoop her up in his arms.

But Lucifer had yet to relinquish Paymon, as if no one else could possibly calm them down.

Without warning, none other than Lord Diavolo’s court jester came rushing down the hall, barely stopping in time to avoid barreling into them.

“You found ‘em!” Mammon cheered. Belphie wished someone had a camera out. The look of relief on his face at the moment could serve as hard evidence the next time he claimed that it wasn’t like he LIKED them or anything.

To the others’ shock and Belphie’s amusement, Paymon lurched away from the mighty firstborn and latched onto Mammon instead.

It shouldn’t have been that much of a surprise. As much as they played the field with all of the brothers, Paymon always preferred their first. He wished they were at least better at hiding it… That favoritism only further inflated the greedy devil’s ego.

Belphie couldn’t blame him for that either. He remembered being Lucifer’s favorite, the thrill of the knowledge that he could do no wrong. It wasn’t until Lilith was gone that he learned he was only favorite by proxy. Now everything he did was wrong.

A point that was further hammered home as Mammon looked at him first before giving Lucifer a confused stare.

“What happened? What’s wrong with ‘em? Are they ok?” He gaped. The idiot had yet to lower his arms since Paymon had attached themselves to his waist. What an idiot…

Coat crumpled and pride likely stinging from the rejection, Lucifer began chewing into him over the sound of Paymon’s loud sobbing.

“What happened is you shirked your responsibilities as usual and it almost cost Paymon her life,” Lucifer snapped, prompting a long, inquisitive look from Belphie. He wondered if that same tired memory haunted Luci the way it did him. It would explain the pronoun slip, which he would likely pay for later, when Paymon was sound of mind.

“Was not!” Mammon defended, “I had an eye on ‘em the entire time! They just… Disappeared!”

“Humans don’t just disappear, Mammon! Especially humans without an ounce of magically talent.” Lucifer hissed. Now was not a good time to try his patience, but Mammon never knew when to quit.

“This one did!” Mammon said. He never learned. Lucifer was practically throbbing with pure, unadulterated rage at this point.

“If you cannot look after them, I’ll be forced to assign someone else to their care.”

Now, that was new. Sure, Mammon’s guardianship has always been lacking, but never was there mentioned the possibility of it being terminated. Granted, that was when Paymon was just the ordinary human exchange student, not the living effigy of their pride and joy.

Mammon’s arms clamped down Paymon like a bear trap. “Hell no, I’m their first! Which makes me their number one man.”

“Stop it. You’re upsetting Paymon.” Beel protested, just as Lucifer was likely about to say something he couldn’t take back. The two of them clammed up after that, and all eyes turned to Paymon once again.

Lucifer still hovered close, like an angel of death. But, where Samael trailed after Lilith like a lovesick puppy, Lucifer was poised over Paymon like an angry hound.

Mammon was, remarkably, doing a better job than Lucifer for once. Instead of restraining Paymon’s movements, he swayed and rocked with them. “What do ya need?” He asked helplessly.

“I,” Paymon gasped between fits of sobbing, “can’t – breathe!”

“Ok! Ok, ok, ok,” he chanted, obviously staving off panic. At least they were using their words. Progress was progress. “Um, ok… Can ya breathe with me?”

It took some time for Paymon’s breathing to return to normal. For a long time, they would just cry, exhale hard, but not inhale again. This process would be a lot smoother if any of the brothers present knew the normal workings of a human.

Eventually Mammon and Paymon were inhaling and exhaling in tandum, slow and deep. They were only occasionally broken by a sequence of shuddering, short inhales by Paymon, as if they were trying to make up for their previous lack of oxygen intake.

As their breathing became more even, the sheer volume of their cries decreased as well. The wails died down to loud sobs, which trailed off into hiccups as they gradually came to their senses.

Once the worst had past, Belphie reached into his front pocket and pulled out a comfort candy. The crinkling of the wrapper drew everyone’s attention, including Paymon’s.

Comfort candy was their favorite. He hated the things. Too sour and the little horns always cut into his tongue. However, they served as good bribes to keep them in the same room as him when it was clear they wanted nothing more than to leave.

A long string of snot connected Paymon’s nose to Mammon’s bare chest as they pulled away. The scummy second-born was doing a poor job of hiding his disgust, but Paymon was too focused on the shiny devil-shaped lollipop to notice.

It wasn’t until Paymon gave everyone a watered-down smile around a treat-filled cheek that they were finally able to relax, be it marginally. They looked completely drained, like they just traversed the nine circles of hell, but at least they were… Quiet.

It got Belphie thinking, though. Others seemed to have this image of Lilith frozen in their mind, like an incorruptible saint, and still couldn’t wrap their head around why Paymon, quite plainly, didn’t measure up.

Every time a new fissure appeared in Paymon’s Lilith-mask, one thought kept recurring in Belphie’s head… What would Lilith have been like if she fell?


End file.
